The things I should have told you
by Melon bubbletea
Summary: Just who am I? Can you tell me? Please? I may seem a little out of it, but this is truly who I am, not some fake you see on televison.
1. Chapter 1

What does it take to get you? If I never met you I wouldn't have ran across the country like I'm out of my mind. What does it take to hold you, when I'm here without you? I don't know where to start… I've got to find your heart, before it falls apart. -davedays

You're probably thinking that, with this title, I'm going to tell you things… and you're right. I might say 'I'm not who I say I am,' but that's way too cliché. For all we know… hmph. It's useless trying to explain something so complicated, and you're probably saying something about how I made it this complicated, and how it was so simple in the first place. Then, who exactly am I? I dunno… could you tell me?

I bet you know her. She's so popular, with tons of friends. How did I get into this situation? Who knows… but she was the reason. She was the real reason why I did what I did. The reason why I smiled, the reason why I was 'stupid', as the storm guardian says. She held my interests for a whole year. We were best friends… or so I thought. She was the reason why I got into the activities that I did that year, so we'd have something to talk about, something to laugh together about, but it's no use anymore. My passion for these hobbies dwindled, much to the sadness, and remorse, of my peers. All I really want to do is sit, and talk with her, and laugh again. I want things to be the way they were before.

Sometimes, when I remember the memories we had together (Which is all the time), I grin like a maniac, and gaze foolishly out at the horizon, no matter where I am. Why did we turn out this way? From best friends, to… this? I knew we had to go our separate ways eventually, me being a whole year older than her and all, but still. She could stay in my world just as easily as I could stay in hers… I miss her.

SO what if I'm too naïve to see the "real reasons" that she claims are there? Does it really mean that I'm stupid? So what if I'm stupid? Passion can blind a person… its not that difficult. That doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you anymore… If anything, I want to ask you… why? I'd love to talk to you for hours on end, laughing at the stupid things we've done, but… if you've already replaced me, what can I do, but watch from a distance? I'll feel embarrassed to just interrupt what you've got going on. Just because I'm naïve and stupid doesn't mean I'm a complete idiot… just socially awkward.

I think you know me, right? Always grinning, following you around like a puppy with big, innocent (fiiine… not so innocent, but still) brown eyes, doing whatever you want, just say the word. You do know that I'll fight for you to the death, right? As long as I breathe, I'll swear to protect you, unless you forcefully shove me away, or… this. I didn't want this… but … what can I do?

My mind still, even now, a whole year after I met her, revolves around her. She's an amazing person, and I valued her deeply as a best friend, maybe even more so… almost like my sister. She scolds me for not talking to her in the hallways, but its not like I can go up to her while she's talking to someone else… she's ignored me for doing that, actually… not like it matters anymore. We barely see each other anymore as is, with our busy schedules and all.

She's so…. Popular. So many 'best friends', I'm one of many… but I don't get it. If I dedicate my life to her like a player of that mafia game should, I'm not asking for much in return, just a pat on the head saying I did a good job… but now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Man… this emotional stuff is for girls.

So… you mind telling me who I am, exactly? You see my taller-than-average-ness, even though I'm Asian. Yes, I have black hair and brown eyes, with slender, tapered fingers that do not really fit me. Tan? I guess you could call it that. I've been called baka before, too. Does that help?

Yamamoto Takeshi, you say? That would explain the naivety, the smiles, and the overall stupidity for something so simple… but why the hell am I a girl?

AND THEN I REALIZED ITS NOVEMBER. OH CRAP.

Sorry I was gone so long... college apps. yay. COLLEGE. I wanna go to sleep. so yeaaaaaah. a little fic. for yew. And yes, this is how I feel. too lovely. lessthanthree. I miss her, I really do. Im not gonna say it, but she's my bestfriend, even though I really am one of many. :P One day... Lol.


	2. Fealty

Things I should have told you 2

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><p>Like a waterfall... crashing down- eyeshine<p>

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><p>Why, boss? You no longer smile at me… Is it something I did? You know that I'm completely loyal to you, even to the death. That's why I joined the mafia. Because of you. Some people could call it love… but no. That's not tolerable, unless you want it that way. I am your tool. An extension of your will. Tell me where to go, and I will go. All I want you to do is show your approval… a smile now would be nice.<p>

Boss… I swore allegiance to you the first day I joined the Vongola, no, the first day I met you. I knew you should be the tenth, no doubt. I'd always be at your side, even if I had to deal with that stupid rain guardian. I knew that your sky flame was the one to follow. But now… there's something wrong. What happened between the two of us? You used to acknowledge me with a smug grin, proud of me, proud that I was here, but no. Now is a different story. You don't want me to ask you to for any real favors, do you? You only want for me to follow you around. That's alright, but I don't want to approach you when you're angry, or doing something. There's no reason for me to do things that could make you dislike me. I just want you to… maybe do things for me, like I'd so willingly do for you. But that's probably just me, and you're doing them without me noticing.

I hope I didn't fabricate this relationship. Did I imagine there was a two-way relationship between us, where it was actually one-sided? But I'm loyal, I promise! All I can think about is you, protecting you, serving you. You are the tenth, always. I… I don't want to call it love. Its not love… is it? But I'm a man, and you're a man… so that means… Why are you staring at me, boss? Is it something I said?

Ugh. That stupid rain guardian is here. He's always messing things up, doing stuff… like that. Stupid rain swordsman. Thinking he's your right-hand man… I'm your right-hand man. What is he doing…? Boss… Why are you doing this to me? Oh, look… that stupid Bovino cow is wandering around the Vongola headquarters. He's no ally of mine. I'm going to butcher him one day… Leave him alone? But… alright, boss. I'll do as you say, only because you told me to. Nobody but you could have told me to exercise such restraint.

Boss… do you really want me to do this? Go and do your bidding like this? Alright… I swear to make you proud. Smile? Please smile? I can't allow room for failure, boss. Not for you. This allegiance is a mixture of fear, love, and reverence. Boss… you said that you'd take some time off and chill with us, right? No? What does chill mean? Sorry… forgive me, boss.

I won boss, its all thanks to you. The opponent didn't stand a chance. Why aren't you smiling, boss? You don't have braces… no need to hide that pearly white smile. Don't glare at me like that, boss… please. Is it because you're tired or something?

What? We lost? No… That means you're going to be angry at me. Sorry, boss. I failed you… Its my fault. Its all my fault. Sorry… if I hadn't lost to that guy… You'd really be the tenth. Boss… don't use your flames of rage on me… I didn't mean for this to happen this way.

Boss? Is it raining? Why? I thought you hated this kind of weather? Do you hate me? What do you want me to about it? Fight the sky? But the sky is you, boss. You are saying nothing… But… now all I can do is sit under my parabolas and let the sky come crashing down on me. Is this what you want from me? I… cant… move. Boss… help me….

Who am I? I don't know… Boss… juudaime? No. He IS the juudaime. Forget that stupid runt, fish-boy. I know Boss will tell me… Eh? Levi… Levi a than… Sounds like something… something powerful, that can do as its master wishes. I like that name.

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><p>The point of these little story-drabble things is to mess with your mind, make you think that you're looking into the mind of one character when it's actually another. I think its fun. –secretly trying to insert a message into the story- I didn't say that. So yeah. Angsty… Yum. Lol. I wanna write one that makes you wanna hug these characters, even though you don't know who these people are. And honestly, there is a secret meaning… it just depends who you are, and if you're smart enough to figure out what it is.<p>

I still love my friends, and yeah. Even that one who I don't particularly talk to anymore... I still value her the most. I jsut don't know when I actually CAN talk to her. She's either sleeping, talking to someone else, not answering texts, or offline. The times I do catch her, and she DOES talk to me, those are worth living altogether. Did I mention that I was suicidal? Lol. Jk. but seriously. Suicide is stupid. That, and -her- are the two reasons why I havent done it yet... I hope she knows that. -cough, boss, cough-


End file.
